Friday, January 8

My Life

Hi, I'm Piper Homemaker and this is what I do on a daily basis.

First thing in the morning, I wake up just in time to serve my family a wide range of breakfast options that are both healthy and scrumptious!  I always have my matching pearl earrings and necklace on, my fresh pressed dress on, and my hair did.

A good wife must look presentable for her family.

I also make sure my carpets are vacuumed twice a day, the counter tops are tidy and thoroughly scrubbed, and that there are extra tea cups just in case a neighbor would like to stop in for a pot of coffee or some fresh tea.

  It is critical to do all these things before the family comes in for breakfast.

Here's me setting the table for breakfast. We have a professional photographer that takes pictures of me doing housework. We can afford this because my husband is super rich and works on the top floor of a skyscraper in the city.

 Everyone arrives at the table right at 7:00 a.m.each and every morning. They know their orange juice will be cold, their eggs will be cooked to perfection, and their bacon will still be warm.

Nom nom.

Once the kids are packing onto the school bus, and my husband has hopped on the train to head to his very important and prestigious job in the city, I like to tidy up the breakfast nook and clean out our refrigerator.

We should all do this daily to prevent bacterial buildup.

I do this daily because I am a clean housewife, living to please my family. I strongly encourage all wives to do the same, but if not I will just assume you are lazy irresponsible unclean a bad wife involved with more....important things, and I'm not here to judge!

Most of the rest of the day is spent cooking. A good wife will prepare ahead of time for her family. This time I put a turkey in the night before. Turkey and mashed potatoes are my husbands very favorite. Yep, looks delightful. I think the family will enjoy this.

Now on to the vegetables. They should be nicely done, but not too overdone. I just need to turn this..heat......on..OUCH! Oh gee golly! I burned myself. Oh well, there's no time to think about me. I need to shift my focus here. My family will be home in 6 HOURS and I don't even have the potatoes boiling yet! I also have laundry that needs to be hung on the line, and I need to get the water warm for my husband's nightly foot scrub and massage!

I am being a lazy housewife; I can feel it. Time to get busy! This burn has slowed me down long enough!

This foot bath should be nice and warm by the time the love of my life arrives home. I'm sure he's hard a difficult day and I sure do want to please him.

If you will quite pardon my attire. While I am quite a glamorous woman, it was a windy day and I just needed to get the job done.

And you see below, I left the long johns on the line too long. The pair in my hand were crisp and I needed to soak them in my husband's foot bath before hanging them again.

I also have a scarf on my head because ...well, for Pete's sake, why do I have a scarf on my head? What exactly was in the orange juice? Why does my head hurt? Who are you and why am I talking to myself?

Time to call my husband. I sure do miss him. Then I can check that off my to-do list!

"Hi honey! I just called to tell you how much I love and appreciate you. I can't hardly stand being apart from you for so long!"

                       "Why hello there sweetheart. How's your day? I see it's been raining. Did you ever take my long john's off the line?"

"I sure did! I love you too much to forget something like that. SO ANYWAY, don't forget, dinner will be at 6 as always! I'm making your favorite, turkey and..."
*husband interupts*
"Boy oh boy am I hungry! I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! What's for dinner? Anything but turkey and mashed potatoes. Oh well, whatever you make will be just fine darling. Just fine, indeed. But I sure do look forward to something different, whatever it is!"

"............Yes, honey. Something different. Not turkey and mashed potatoes! Something ...different! Bye.... bye"

Oh noes!!! NOW WHAT???
Gosh darn you turkey and mashed potatoes! GOSH DARN YOU!

The kids will be here any minute, and I haven't even started baking their cookies! There's no tea brewing in the kettle and it's raining on my husband's long john's again! I've been slaving over a roasted turkey in the kitchen all night, and my husband doesn't even want it! His foot bath is getting cold and they will be home any minute!

I've got to think of something, and not a moment too soon!

Oh wait..I KNOW!!...
"How do you do ma'am. May I get your order?"

"How do you do?" I'd like one Big Mack, 4 Happy Meals, a large order of french fries, a side salad with a diet soda, please."

"Ok ma'am, that'll be $.50 please."

*this is sure to work*

"Wow honey! I can't believe you've been out here grilling hamburgers all afternoon. That's exactly what I wanted! You're such a gal!"

"Anything for you, dear. Anything at all."
 Maybe one of these days I'll write what my life is really about, but for now I'm sticking with this.

Why? Because I can. So there! *Hmmph*



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